The End of One Journey
Universitas Indonesia finally accepted me. “Cool!” I said. Everyone is cool, the facility is cool, even the lecturers are cool. I attend every class happily and am a little proud of myself. But after several semesters. Now what? I don’t know what to do. I don’t even have any drive to go to class anymore. Every day seems so hard, but is it worth going through all this things. I start to skip class and then assignments. I even spent a week in my room playing games once (or more(?)).
I decide to consult with the counselor UI provides for students. But in the end. No, nothing. There is no solution. I spend a whole semester or even more with this. Go class to class and somehow survive with the bare minimum score. And at some point, everyone became something. Some become an organization president, win a competition, work in a big tech company, or even advance their hobbies/business.
And here I am going class to class and going right back home when classes are over. I don’t even know what a role like “software engineer” means. When everyone in my year definitely knows what it means or might already be one of them. I talk less and lesser to people and start to shut myself in. I turn down every invitation to hang out. It seems like there is just no hope. The only thing I know is this demotivation comes from the lack of motivation/dream. Because the last time I work hard is when I have a dream (to go to Universitas Indonesia). But now I’ve got it (my dream to study in Universitas Indonesia), I’ve lost it too (my dream) at the same time. Just a dreamless guy.
But now I’ve got it, I’ve lost it too at the same time.
The Beginning of New Journey
I start to find a reason, hope, dream, or you name it. I talk to a counselor, talk to my father, speak to a friend, read books, and read articles. But it just feels hopeless. All the advice seems easy to say but not easy to do.
Until one day, on a sleepless night, I realize a pattern. That, dreams come from a meaningful relationship. And sometimes, when we hang out/talk to people and hear what they want to do/be, we start to want something too. Try to read a novel or manga where the main character works so hard for their love, friends, or rival. It might be too fictional of a motive but forgot it. It’s not like any other solutions work. And this one seems rather logical.
Besides that, I also realize that I won’t know whether I like it if I don’t try things out. And if I don’t even have anything I like, how can I have something to dream. So I start my adventure to try anything I might like or think cool.
I decide to talk more, to hang out more, to be more active. I started joining activities like committees of an event. It’s kind of hard at first because I’m left out from the year I’m inactive. I applied to the most popular committee activity in my faculty. Even though I don’t get my first choice, I still got a good team and a lot of things to learn.
I still have no dream and am still kind of demotivated. But life goes on. And in no time, I will graduate and have to support myself. While dreams are important, I think I need to force myself to think about my career, or I’ll be miserable in my life. This means I’m risking being unhappy. To work hard for pay that barely supports my life, let alone my hobbies. And the most important principle I have that I won’t forget even on my worst day is. Everything I do is for my happiness. And if I’m not going to be happy, at least I’m not going to be unhappy.
Everything I do is for my happiness. And if I’m not gonna be happy, at least I’m not going to be unhappy.
So I started to talk with a senior. I began to look for an intern. I begin to build my CV. I join a career preparation seminar, mentorship, etc. I got rejected a lot of times but screw it. It’s sad. I might be trying too far from what I qualified. But I don’t think I have time to grieve about that. It’s a free opportunity and I’m just unlucky. Those rejections give me a lot to learn. Like how I approach people, how to communicate, what is lacking in my interview, what is lacking in my CV, etc.
Things start to get better. I still don’t know what career path that I like. So I decided to try all the paths I think are suitable or just cool. I got my first intern this year. I don’t even believe that I’m qualified or capable to do the intern. But luckily, I shoved that thought off, do my best, and let semesta decide it for me. And then the second intern. And then the third intern. In the third one, not only I get gojek. One of the companies I do not even dare to dream about before. I was also chosen to be student representation in Kampus Merdeka, representing 13.000 students. And not only that. There are just so much amazing things unfolding since I dare to take opportunities.
To the day I write this article. I still have no clear idea what my long-term dream is. But I’m moving now. I try a lot of hobbies. I learn a lot of new skills, whether it’s soft or hard skills. I got a lot of unique experiences. I made new friends. I got a whole lot of adventures. It’s scary, but it’s also exciting to see what the future holds. — While I’m still not sure about a lot of things. I have filter out my career path, and I have a big little dream to achieve. I rather keep to myself until I achieve it.
I want to share more about the journey. But maybe that will be a story for next time. Thank you :D. Have an incredible journey, my friend.